Last month Paula left us. The big C took her after a decade of good fight. Her departure prompt me to take down my FB account. I felt a bit cheated by this social media. Also felt angry at myself. I got a bit mad at myself for relying on the internet to keep track of people’s lives. I missed out on some important updates on people I care about. Paula was one of them. I did not see the update her partner Dave wrote and I did not have the chance to reach out when she was not doing well. Paula was one of the most courageous human being I have ever met. I could have tried harder to stay in touch with her.
Over the weekend, we heard of another friend’s passing. He took his own life due to depression. We travelled south island together. Actually we did not get along and by half way of the trip, my Irish friend and I decided to travel separately from him and his girlfriend. Now looking back all those things bothered me on the trip seem to be so trivial and insignificant, the only thing stands important was that I remember he was truly happy and in love on that trip. He was in the beginning of a relationship with the girl and they were very happy together. Those are the things I would like to remember of him.
I watched a Chinese debate show. Tonight the topic was if there is a glass of water will erase all the sorrows in your life, should you drink it? I would not. I am the complicated type believe in pain and suffering brings clarity to something meaningful in life. However, there are some views raised by the opposite side also make me think hard, for people who are suffering the unbearable pain, can we allow them to take the drink and just start fresh? I say yes to that. Each to their own , the less pain and suffering in this world, the better. Its just I am not that optimistic, I am not sure that life will deal in such a simplistic way. I am 34, and I think life is a mix of so many different things. Moments of happiness and sadness follow closely to each other. Most of time, I am seeking peace instead of happiness. All I ask for is to be at ease with the choices I make each day. Be peaceful with who I am. May peace be with you too.
LIYANG'S THOUGHTS 