Month: July 2019

中文这个词豁达， 我还真不确定英文怎么说。但这是一个好东西，有了它，人生路上很多麻烦都可以迎刃而解。 但这个解，未必真的解决了问题，只是放得下，能甘心绕刃离开。

我很好的一个朋友分手了。 因为两人各分两地的关系吧。 到我这个阶段， 大部分人都在生小孩儿。分手的事情还不常听说，也许再过10年会比较多。 我不清楚感情这种事情用豁达有没有用，反正面对生死肯定是需要一些的。 我和分手的两个人都有联系， 聊了一下，两人都很伤心，但面对现实， 决定分道扬镳。 其实两人能遇见，在一起，就不容易， 能相处很多年更难得， 现在要分开了，肯定很难过。 她们在自己的国家不可能一起生活，一个人出去了，另一个人又不愿放弃一切去新的国家重新开始。 毕竟， 到了这个阶段， 从零开始真的很难。 活得时间久了，觉得看所有事情没有那么黑白分明了。年轻些， 总是会赶紧战队， 分出谁对谁错。 现在很多事情，每个人的困境都能有所体会，人生百味也尝了一些，就更难断是非。 像我在这里道人是非，也说的模棱两可分不清自己的思路是什么。

回到主题，希望这两个人都能有一些豁达来帮她们渡过难过的时光。豁达也许解决不了问题，但在这沉重的现实中，能帮你放轻脚步，轻装前行。 人生里所有的颠来倒去，到头来不过是难从命与莫回头。

不怕记不住 就怕忘不了

忘不了 就太熟了

太熟了 就要跑

流年暗涌 会者定离

I have been unwell since we got back from Norway, but I kept ignoring it and continued to work until felt really awful last week. I have been given some strong meds for the asthma. When I went to see the GP, he was surprised I still managed to go to work most of the week with a low oxygen level in my blood. I was given one of these meds has steroids, it is like take many shots of double espresso in one go. I felt pretty good the first evening took it, my chest felt open, the air can go through much easier and I finally can sleep through the night first time in a week. But the dose is quite strong, some of the mornings I felt quite nauseous and my heart pumped fast after taking it.

The older I get the more I think of how I was brought up and my relationship with my parents puzzle me. Actually my mum and dad are probably the most open-minded, cool, supportive and loving parents one can ever hope for. I think because when I was little, my mum had been quite anxious whenever I got sick. So now when I am sick and they live just 5 minutes away, I didn’t want to share with them my health problems. I felt their attention on me and their worries make me feel quite anxious and uneasy, I am under pressure to get well ASAP to make them feel better. I am not sure why I am under this pressure especially since now they live near us. It could be a result of all those worries and fears around me when I was sick during my childhood.

The last couple of weeks I was immersed in this Chinese music reality show The Big Band. It brought memories back from the Beijing days. The main reason is because many of these bands I have heard a lot during my work in Beijing, some of the people behind these bands were my old colleagues or work contacts. I am very happy to see independent musicians can have their turn to shine on a big stage and let more people hear their music through mainstream platforms. I can’t help to think of those days I toured with bands through different cities in China, also went to gigs in those now well known Beijing venues. I count myself lucky to have met some of the most creative, independent thinking, daring and interesting people in Beijing. They set the scene in that city.

Beijing has left a mark on me which I only realised after left the place 3 years ago. The two years spent there felt way more intense than 5 years spent in NZ. I struggled a lot with the work cultures there, the constant WeChat messages, no one checks emails, people don’t follow schedules. I was frustrated most of the time, complaining a lot. Now looking back, it was also a very fun, creative, and free period of my life. I was lucky to have made some meaningful connections with some unique people, their life showed me how to maintain true to oneself in a very chaotic environment. How to adapt to changes but remain unchanged. If you can achieve that in China, you are a legend.

Please let me be healthy and strong again, I promise I will be active, and watch less Netflix on the couch.

I can’t believe Netflix made this show Flowers in 2016 then 2018, total of two seasons, and I only watched it today.  I never heard of it before. The only thing I know is the lead female actor who plays the mum in the family won the Oscar for her role in The Favourite.

This show shakes my view on a few things, it makes me to think more on the difficult things in life, suicide, depression, mental illness. This crazy family’s story was told in such a beautiful, weird, dark and humours way. The last episodes in both Season 1 and 2 break my heart to pieces, but the same time make me feel a strong sense of power that is hard to describe.

One line in the 2nd last episode of the show, when the daughter discovered she probably  has the same mental illness as her grandfather, and this illness runs like a family curse, she said :” I can take this hell and turn it into heaven, I can do it.”  I wonder how many times when someone struggling with severe depression or mental illness tell themselves that they can do this, they can fight this. I have family and friends who have been through this. Some of them don’t make it in this fight, they depart early. Sometime we wonder can’t they be a bit stronger and hold on a little longer for the ones who love them deeply? But then who are we to judge? You can’t see the pain they are going through. Some of them can not even describe how they are feeling.

In this world right now with so many conflicts and divides amongst people, its rare to watch something so raw and beautiful. The young Japanese boy who stays with the family, his story is just so heart breaking. How does a person survive when they lose everyone he loves? We praise those who carry on and survive day by day, it takes tremendous amount of courage. The 1st season revealed his courage in such a sad and funny way, his whole body language is screaming of making the effort to carry on.  The 2nd season continues to tell his struggle and pain so vividly. It’s so hard not to feel the pain, but at the same time this darkness has its own unique beauty which is near impossible to describe it.

We are lucky to be born and grow up. If you ever held a baby you know how fragile and small it is, for this tiny being to grown up , requires a lot of love, help and care. Life is a miracle and I do firmly believe it. But sometime we forget death and life are side by side, there are small differences between them. For those who holds the wisdom and clarity to understand this, it may be a burden to carry.

All I want to say is that after watching Flowers, I think I understand a bit more of other’s struggle and pain. Also gained a glimpse of why some people make certain decisions as they do.

We are currently house hunting. Last Saturday we have been to our first house auction.

This house is 3 bedroom and situated under a volcano, Mt Wellington. It has three bedroom, 100 square meters living space with total of 400 square meters land size. We liked it instantly the first time we walked in, it is warm, with spacious bedrooms. Only downside is that there is only one bathroom and also it does not get much sunlight. We thought about what we could have done with the house and also our budget, then came to the conclusion that this house is worth to pursue.

The following week its about getting in touch with the lawyer and also find a good building inspector. Our lawyer found there was an extension of the living room  was applied to council back in 1996, but it did not receive a final approval. This could have a big impact on the value selling the house, as no one wants to take over a property lacking permit and have to deal with the council to regain a permit. The good news was the building inspection went well, this house was built in the 1930s, but had work done in the roof and under the house with approval. It has good insulation and we loved the solid wooden floors.

It is only a few days left till the auction and we were stilling waiting to hear back on the agent about what to do with the outstanding building permit. After a lot of phone calls to the council it turned out the 1996 work was applied but never took place. The council agreed to remove this from the LIM report, which is a record of all the work this house has gone through. We got full approval from insurance company and also our bank. With money in our pocket, now its show time.

The auction took place in a beautiful sunny Saturday afternoon. We got there just before it started, and it took place in the courtyard. There were about dozen people attended the auction. The auctioneer briefly went through the legal commitments of the auction, then he suggested started it at 1 million. No one raised the hand. The agents came to us suggested to make a bid, we said we wanted to wait for others to bid first. So a bit of awkward silence passed. Then I raised my hand and called out a figure much lower than 1 million.  The auctioneer was surprised at my low figure but he still took it as a starting place, I suppose its better than $0. Another family added a bit more to that, then auctioneer asked if anyone want to add another 25K. I misheard the figure, so I just added another $2000. My figure caused a few laughs in the crowd. The auctioneer told me it did not work that way and it had to be minimum of 25K. I agreed to add that, and to be honest I was not embarrassed by the laughs at all. After that, it was the end of the auction no one else wanted to bid. We turned out to be the highest bidder. We Won !

However, the price we offered was a lot lower than what the vendor wanted. The agent pushed us to go near 1 million, I told them what I thought about the house. It a lovely layout and it is in a good school zone, we liked it but we were not crazy about it. There were a few things need to be done around the house and all of these work cost money. Also it is the buyers market right now, the market is not as hot as it was two years ago. Obviously the vendor still wanted a price at the highest point of the real estate market, they are out of touch with the reality. This land has already been subdivide, so there is no potential for adding another house to the land. The only thing for this property to increase value is to wait out for better times in the real estate market. So even if I have budget of 1 million I would not pay for it in such environment. The agent played the fear card, he said well if we put this house on the open market I guarantee it will be snatched up quickly. I said of course, there would always be someone with more money to spend and probably would not mind to pay so much. But to me there are also many better houses out there which could have much better value than this property. Each to their own and we just wish each other good luck.

So thats the end of our experience with the first auction we have been to. I am glad we didn’t cave in under pressure from the agent and the auctioneer, most people would get intimidated under those circumstances. I did wonder if I am being too realistic and should have aimed for a bit higher for this property, but then I do believe it is better not to deal with a vendor who is so out of touch with the market and wanted such a high price. The reality in the current New Zealand realestate market is that there is a ban on foreign buyers, the immigration has tightened up on the number of people moving to NZ. There are not enough buyers. Even with low interest rates, still the market is not as active as it used to be. The downside for buyers is there are not enough listings. I believe in hard work and do the research throughly . With patience and due diligence, over time I think we will find the most suitable property for us.

Watch this space.