Downtime

I have been unwell since we got back from Norway, but I kept ignoring it and continued to work until felt really awful last week. I have been given some strong meds for the asthma. When I went to see the GP, he was surprised I still managed to go to work most of the week with a low oxygen level in my blood. I was given one of these meds has steroids, it is like take many shots of double espresso in one go. I felt pretty good the first evening took it, my chest felt open, the air can go through much easier and I finally can sleep through the night first time in a week. But the dose is quite strong, some of the mornings I felt quite nauseous and my heart pumped fast after taking it.

The older I get the more I think of how I was brought up and my relationship with my parents puzzle me. Actually my mum and dad are probably the most open-minded, cool, supportive and loving parents one can ever hope for. I think because when I was little, my mum had been quite anxious whenever I got sick. So now when I am sick and they live just 5 minutes away, I didn’t want to share with them my health problems. I felt their attention on me and their worries make me feel quite anxious and uneasy, I am under pressure to get well ASAP to make them feel better. I am not sure why I am under this pressure especially since now they live near us. It could be a result of all those worries and fears around me when I was sick during my childhood.

The last couple of weeks I was immersed in this Chinese music reality show The Big Band. It brought memories back from the Beijing days. The main reason is because many of these bands I have heard a lot during my work in Beijing, some of the people behind these bands were my old colleagues or work contacts. I am very happy to see independent musicians can have their turn to shine on a big stage and let more people hear their music through mainstream platforms. I can’t help to think of those days I toured with bands through different cities in China, also went to gigs in those now well known Beijing venues. I count myself lucky to have met some of the most creative, independent thinking, daring and interesting people in Beijing. They set the scene in that city.

Beijing has left a mark on me which I only realised after left the place 3 years ago. The two years spent there felt way more intense than 5 years spent in NZ. I struggled a lot with the work cultures there, the constant WeChat messages, no one checks emails, people don’t follow schedules. I was frustrated most of the time, complaining a lot. Now looking back, it was also a very fun, creative, and free period of my life. I was lucky to have made some meaningful connections with some unique people, their life showed me how to maintain true to oneself in a very chaotic environment. How to adapt to changes but remain unchanged. If you can achieve that in China, you are a legend.

Please let me be healthy and strong again, I promise I will be active, and watch less Netflix on the couch.