It was a very heavy documentary to watch. It is not just about Michael Jackson, its more about the complexity of human nature, our desires, fears, childhood trauma, and the impact of becoming a parent.
One thing after watching this I learnt about myself is my lack of passion on something tor someone isn’t necessary a loss. I never really chased a star or one hobby. Sometime I envy people who have total passion towards one sports, one idol or one particular thing (religion). I just don’t have it. I try many things, I enjoy different experiences life can offer. But by the end of the day I don’t fall head over heels for anything. I always thought this is a bad thing, that lack of total commitment to one particular thing, almost like lack of faith. I miss out on being in a fan club or a community, I can’t relate to that hysteria towards something so many are crazy about. After watching this documentary I think having an open mind is a good thing. Change is constant, so believing in something or someone completely without any doubt can lead to disastrous consequences, just like the lives being destroyed in this documentary.
My parents raised me in a way to have total commitment to myself. It is not to say I am a narcissist, I lack of confidence in many of my abilities. Its more that no matter what faults or imperfections I have, I need to accept myself first. Never try to be someone else, or completely think another person has it all and want to be that person. I remember when I was a kid I would never want to borrow someone’s toy or clothes. Either I own it or if it does not belong to me, I don’t want to hold it just temporarily or pretend to have it for a while. This kind of honesty and acceptance of reality is something I want to instill in my child. One does not need to be perfect to be accepted or loved, the imperfections make one unique in a way that can never be replaced by someone else.
Towards the end of the documentary, when Wade talked about he became a father and all the confusions about right and wrong were gone. He was super clear about boundaries and what actions are acceptable towards his child. I totally relate to this. I mentioned many times that becoming a parent cut out a lot of bullshit in life for me. I don’t pretend to do things I don’t see worth my time, as I want to spend that time with my child. I can relate to lots of pains that families go though when it is about something terrible happen to their children. My heart becomes bigger and stronger and fragile and softer all at the same time since I became a mother. There are so much pain and joy co-exsist together in parenthood. These conflicts were captured really vividly in this documentary.
I always had this tremendous fear towards child sex abuse, after watching this I had to face up to the horrendous details victims go through. Somehow it made me less afraid of it. The monster is always more scary in the dark, when you face it, the power seem to diminish a little.
I am so thankful I have amazing parents who not only protect me with all their power during my childhood, they also taught me some very strong values and skills to survive this harsh world. I have so much love from my family. They trust me, support me and feel proud of me. I think one of the factors help a child grow into a decent person is based on how much kindness the child received while growing up. When you are loved, you learn to love others.
LIYANG'S THOUGHTS 