Month: March 2020

Things have changed so quickly this week. On Monday I noticed Air New Zealand announced they are cutting down 85% of long haul flights. I decided to book the flight for mum who was in Canada visiting her brother to return home soon. By Wednesday NZ announced they are shutting down the borders only allowing PR and Citizens to enter. Wed and Thur were the sleepless nights for me, thankfully mum’s flight was not cancelled. She made it home this morning, my dad dropped her car at the airport and she drove herself home starting the 2 weeks isolation. My dad moved in with us.

The stress level is up and down, last time I felt this anxious was waiting to fly out of Beijing while I was pregnent with Bella. I had always felt a bit nervous with flights, This time I am very thankful for Air NZ to continue the Vancouver – Auckland flight which brought mum back to us.

Things are not well in NZ. I am hoping the government can quickly escalate the level of urgency of the situation so that people can stop moving around. We are carrier of the virus, every time we step outside the door we are risking our own health and other people’s. I felt angry when someone at work continued to sneeze and cough and still be in the office. This person even wanted to pat her hand on me when she wanted a friendly chat. I just really don’t understand why our perceptions of reality can be so drastically different. Why can’t people take social distancing seriously? While I write this, someone in the neighbourhood is having a birthday party, as I can hear them singing songs. We live in multiple realities, some people are consumed by fear and they are struggling with the situation, some people continue to go out clubbing and still go to work thinking that they “just have a cold”.

What I have learnt is that as humans are we will never agree on anything, sometime to achieve a common goal some extreme measures need to be taken. I read an article that after this pandemic the world will become smaller, less open and less tolerant. I choose not to believe in this. I think this virus are teaching us some very important lessons right now:

1. Be close to people who matter
2. Do NOT mess with nature
3. Slow down, focus on the simple things
4. Think before you act

I dont know by the end of the year what kind of things I am going to write down. All I know is that the next 4 weeks will be more and more challenging for each one of us. However, what I can choose is my mindset. Bring this on. I am moving on this earth with grace, carrying hope and deliver it with clarity and strength. May you and the ones you love all be healthy and prosper.

Yesterday I went to a play workshop, the theme is “Other”. Its an immersive type of play, which rely on spontaneous acts from the participants through games, dance and poetry. I am not a big fan of plays, but I decide to participate in it because the theme is relate to being Chinese.

The group is made up by people from different ages and backgrounds, one thing in common is that we all looked Asian. Black hair , yellow skin. Some of them are Malaysian Chinese, some are 2nd or 3rd generation New Zealander Chinese. The workshop started with dancing to break the ice, then followed with questions and statements which each person share with the group what their opinions are.

What surprised me is what I wrote at the end of the session during a 2 mins free writing, basically you write nonstop for 2 mints of whatever came to your mind. Here is my writing ” I am not easily satisfied. I don’t agree with lots of things happening right now in the world. I see lots of pain and injustice. I lost beliefs in many things I use to believe in. I felt there are rules which ordinary hardworking people live by, but the rich and powerful can disregard these rules. I use to be easily satisfied with explanations on things now I question many of them. I ask why and become suspicious of the answers given to me. I became more curious what forms our society and how public opinions are shifted.”

This workshop is to discuss what its like being Chinese living in a non-Chinese society. I am not sure how I end up with these thoughts from a culture and identity workshop. For the past few weeks so much happened around me. I am amazed and at the same time dumbfounded by how bizarre things happen in life. I have not experienced such intense self reflection in a long time. In times of change and uncertainty, we are faced with the fundamental questions of who I am. What I can do. What I am trying to achieve.

I understand it is important not to become too self indulgent, things go on, the sun will rise. Human and nature carry on as usual through the good and the bad. I will adapt to strange situations and the same time find new ways to enjoy different aspects of life. 

I have been doing meditation every morning before I get into the office. I have not noticed any significant changes with me, probably that I am more aware of my moods throughout the day.

Not sure how to end this note, be well, go well. Wishing light is with you, whoever is reading it.