一只名叫狗狗的猫

 

狗狗上个月离开了我们。 我的记忆里,妈妈和弟弟在2004年冬天的时候从奶奶那里把还只有几个月的他接回了家。 那时候, 我和弟弟刚刚在新西兰上了一年的学。 我记得, 我从新西兰回到家的那一天,看到这只好小的猫, 好像也不是特别高兴, 因为那时候爷爷刚刚去世。 冬天的家总是灰蒙蒙的感觉。 我好像又对猫严重的过敏,犯了哮喘。总之,我们的初相识,就是灰蒙蒙的冬日,全家人在一起,有各种的未知和不确定。唯一确定的是, 我和弟弟曾经想养一只狗,所以决定就把这只猫叫做狗狗。

我和狗狗在一起的时间,总共加起来,也不满一年。因为从2004年到2016年, 我在家的时间加起来, 也没有一整年多。 常年在外上学, 之后又是工作和生活。 每次回到家, 只呆上两三周, 就又背上行囊,离开了。 开头的前两年, 狗狗充满活力。他从来不粘我。我在他年纪还小时,和他玩儿, 他还总是抓破我的手。我就赶紧在手上涂酒精, 不然皮肤就长起来又红又痒的小胞。 渐渐的,过几年我再见到他, 他不是躲在被窝里, 就是躲在窗台上。 妈妈特别惯他,家里的各个房间的门从不关着,就是为了让他畅通无阻。 天冷的时候, 被褥都是摊开的,就是为了狗狗能够钻进去, 拱出一个小窝来,在里面舒舒服服的睡懒觉。 狗狗从来没交过女朋友。他一出了我家的门,就会全身发抖, 吓得一动不动。 所以狗狗就一直在家里, 是个没有出过门的猫。全家他和妈妈的感情最好。 妈妈洗脸刷牙, 他就会跳上洗漱台,看着妈妈。妈妈在写字台改作业, 他就趴在旁边,陪着妈妈。 有时候, 还会淘气的干脆坐在纸上。 妈妈打电脑游戏, 他有时候会从键盘上走过去, 最坏的一次是干脆当着我妈妈的面往屏幕上呲了一泡尿。但是, 每次妈妈回到家,也是他等在门口,然后走过去绕着妈妈的腿蹭几圈。

六月份,我回到家看望爸爸妈妈。这次见到的狗狗完全不同了。他消瘦了很多,而且我进门, 也不会在门口等着了,总是在睡觉。走起路来后腿都在打颤。我们都知道, 狗狗的一生可能是要到尽头了。 但是他的眼睛里一点恐惧也没有。平时想做的事情还是继续, 想去的地方, 还是要往上跳。我觉得好像只有我们人类意识到他的生命要结束了, 而他自己还是觉得一切正常。平静的度过每一分,每一秒。 妈妈说在我回来之前, 他总在门口,晚上不睡家, 不停地叫。 我爸爸把门打开, 问他是不是想出去, 他又不敢。 后来, 做了些调查, 才知道猫知道自己的生命要结束的时候, 是很想离开家的。 我们的狗狗因为从来没出去过, 他的本能是想离开家,但最后还是没有走出家门。

我回到北京没两天,妈妈就告诉狗狗永远的离开了我们。妈妈特别的伤心, 哭了很多天。 这几年,家里的事情很多, 最爱的一些人相继离去, 现在又是狗狗, 妈妈觉得有些承受不了这些离别。 我觉得, 狗狗活了13岁多, 在猫的世界里算是高寿了。他带给我们很多的爱,平静, 还有源源不断的乐趣。 他等于是取代了我和弟弟在家里的位置,填补了爸爸妈妈心里那个孩子们远在他乡的空洞。 为了这些年他在家里的位置, 我也是非常感激这只叫做狗狗的猫。

狗狗从来不主动亲近我, 除了有一次妈妈给他洗完澡, 我坐在沙发上看电视,他突然跳到我的腿上。 那时候, 我好欣喜,以为他终于对我有了特殊的感情。后来才知道是因为他怕冷, 在我的腿上取暖。 就算这样, 我还是很爱这只猫。因为他的高傲,胆小,迎接死亡时的平静。当然, 还因为, 他就是我的家人。

 

 

 

So here is another year

It was a wonderful family holiday in Hainan. I have been back to work for a week now.

Right now I am juggling three projects, all happening in the next three months.

Again there is no planning here, have to keep telling myself do not expect too much on process and order. Run with it and try your very best to enjoy it along the way.

It must be why I was so exhausted by the end of last year, how do I put it, it’s like the constant worrying of something go wrong. Your mind is always on the next problem, waiting for someone to give you the next information to keep things going.

What does my work really involve?This is my imaginative way of explaining what I do. There are lots of threads in my hands, I pull them one by one, sometime they get all tangled up , my goal is to trace till the end of the thread. I hope its a smooth run without getting everything tangled up or broken off half way through.

There are quite a few trips coming up in the next month or two. If I dont change the team half way, I will get to visit some places new. I am not sure why I dont look forward to it so much, maybe lack of self confidence on how well I will organise the trip?

Back to the workshop, it was good know the management see the problems that we are all experiencing at work, such as lack of process, unclear role definitions, lack of vision etc. I suppose you can only running wild without a clear path for so long. It will only be fun for a certain size, once the team gets bigger, it gets messier. Although its a creative environment, process and order will help ideas become reality in a more efficient way.

I have been dreaming a lot about my families, there are lots of unsettling feelings inside of me about my families. I am slowly realising the fact that most my family members are getting older. They will need my help more than before. I am no longer that small child who look up to them asking for support , the tables are turning. I am just not sure psychologically I am ready for this change. I have always been quite attached to my families. therefore when they experience some difficulties, it upsets me to realise the limitations of my ability to provide for them.

The new year goal is to become stronger. So I can be reliable to my loved ones. I feel like I am stretching my abilities to grow bigger and taller in the sense of a big tree, so I can provide shades to more people. I wonder what type of tree I would be ? Like the one in Rose Garden in Parnell? That would be nice.

猴年要来了

还有一周就是猴年了。 过去的一周心情浮躁的不得了。喜忧参半。 原来的计划是爸爸妈妈, 我,小麦, 表妹, 小姨, 小姨夫和大姨妈在海南一起过年。 周三大姨妈都要去机场了, 舅舅却因为生病住进了医院,大姨妈就不得不取消了行程。 舅舅前段时间因为做完手术,没有按照医生的嘱咐好好休养, 结果得了血栓,情况还挺危险。 本来已经在海南的小姨和小姨夫也返回家乡照顾舅舅。 因为大姨妈的身体也不好。

爸爸经过六天在路上独自开车,从乌市出发前往海南, 终于到达海南。 实在是很了不起。 但也由于他已经开了好久的车, 再让他返回乌市实在是很辛苦。 我们就决定还是在海南过年。但就只有爸爸妈妈我和小麦还有表妹一起过年。表妹还挺难过失望的, 因为原本计划和她父母在海南一起过年, 现在计划也变了。所以说, 计划不如变化快,不要总把所有的事情都以为会按照想象的方向发展。人生不如意十有八九。中国老祖宗的话真是对的不得了。

舅舅在医院由小柳照顾,小柳去年这个时候就照顾我姥姥, 现在又是我舅舅, 真的不知道该怎么感激她。医生真的是一个很伟大的职业,人生里有这样一个好朋友,实在是难得。 我有时候也会回顾自己的职业, 总觉得好像欠缺些什么, 我的技能并不能实实在在的帮助很多人。我的收入也没有好到可以帮助家人。所以有时候还是觉得有些迷失的。

北京城已经渐渐变空了,地铁里很多人带着行李赶回家过年。 我们的航班是大年三十的晚上, 到了就初一了。如果姥姥还在的话我们肯定都会在大年三十前赶回乌市吃年夜饭。家有老,是个宝, 老人是把一家人聚在一起的核心。每逢佳节倍思亲,更思念的是那些离开了我们的亲人吧。

关于工作, 不知道为什么最近疲惫不堪, 也不是很忙, 就是没有积极性, 也没有目标。 不确定是不是应该和谁聊一下。 等过完年,再看看吧。

挺期待在海南过年的。第一个在中国南方度过的新年,不知道会是怎样的, 重要的是有爸爸妈妈和家人就好。 这就是最大的幸福。

The Big Short

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Last night M suggested we watch a movie about the 2008 financial crisis, I was a bit hesitate as I am a big fan of thrillers and horror movies. I don’t understand much about the finance world, I have one friend who works in the financial business , she told me its all about lies. I like money but I am not rich enough to have someone manage my assets, so I thought this movie probably going to bore me after 20 minutes.

Turns out as you may already guessed this is officially the best movie I have watched in 2016 !! It is a story about four individuals who saw the whole US finance system was a fraud, they bet against the big banks and rolled in lots of money after the market collapsed.  Their prediction was spot on and they trusted their research, had the guts to go for it despite everyone laughed at their decision. The best part of this film is how they find interesting ways to explain some financial jargons. Finance is not just about numbers, it is still a human invented game, unfortunately some of the worst human natures determine the outcome of it. The biggest take out for me is once again it confirms my belief that those rich and powerful in the higher place of the social ladder do not necessarily know what they are doing.

Look at what is happening around us, our environment is in a mess, terrorism attacks happening in an increasing rate, kids go starving and eating leaves in Syria, our whole food chain is corrupted by big corporation’s greed.  Good seed and water will be the most valued resources in the near future .  I told M we should buy a pot of land up north grow our own vegetables. There is no one to trust, not the government, not the system, not the authorities. We were taught to listen to the ones higher up in the society, look up to the rich and the powerful, they are successful and have their life sorted out. I think that’s all bullshit. No one knows better than another. Its about finding a way to look after yourself and your family. Coz this whole world is getting sick. We just do not want to face the truth. The truth sucks and it is scary.

How to survive 9 events in 12 days

So we are almost getting into 2016 and I finally collect all my thoughts to write down how I survived managing 9 events in the first two weeks of December. From 1-5th December we toured with two U.S. bands in Shenzhen, Guangzhou, Wuhan, Shanghai and Beijing. From 8 – 12th December, we ran the year end parties in Guangzhou, Chengdu, Shanghai and Beijing. By the end of it, it was quite an exhausting experience both mentally and physically.

Let me start with the preparation stage – Getting the visa. There are 3 types of visa artists can apply: work/travel/exchange. One band has 5 people on tour and across them they were on three three types of visa. This is mainly due to the performance permit. In China you suppose to apply for permits  for all live performances, but in some smaller cities you can get away not having one. It can be done through an agent. The application require performers passport information, live sets playlist, video footage of performances and also transcripts of the lyrics. During the preparation I translated one band’s latest album and it was quite a creative process. Once the permit is obtained, the artists can apply for work visa as they would be paid on these tours. However, for everyone who work in events would know that things change at the last minute. There are people who can no longer make the trip or additional people add on to the list. The application normally take around 4weeks to process, to change anything on the members list means reapply the permit again. Also if the additional member is a crew member instead of an artist performing on stage, the authority may not even consider the new application. What do you do? You opt to a tourism visa or a culture exchange visa. For tourism visa, just need to provide travel itinerary and accommodation booking. Both of these documents can be made online.  The trick is to keep the destinations as few as possible. For example the individual will visit 5 cities on tour, but when filling in the application just include 2 cities in the itinerary. The more straightforward the itinerary is, the more likely the tourism visa will be approved. Another option is the culture exchange visa, as the tour organiser you need to issue an invitation letter to support the visa application, but need to specifically note the performance is non-commercial and the invitee wont be paid. Although this is not true,  you need to include this information to get the visa. Sometime artists asking what if the visa officer ask the purpose of their trip…or what if the custom officer read about promotion of the band’s tour in China, the thing is unless the tour is very well known, the chance of this happen is very small. Just think about how many people going through Chinese customs each day, once you get a visa, normally you wont be questioned much about the type of visa you are on.

The travel and accommodation arrangement are pretty straight forward, most bookings can be arranged 1 month in advance. For travelling between Shanghai and Beijing, better to choose train over flight. There is the amazing porters service at the train stations to assist the band with their instruments and luggage. If budget allows go for business class , on economy, try to get carriage number 5 , there is enough room in that compartment for excess luggage (it was supposed to be for handicap). Train is always on time and also less security checks at the train stations.

Are you tired of reading this yet? Wait…we have not even get to the event day part. It was great to be on tour to different cities, the experience enabled me to compare the venues and the crowds in these cities. Chengdu is probably the most chilled city on this tour, the crowds are happy and easy going . The most professional venues I have worked with are in Shanghai. From stage equipments to venue staff, Shanghai is definitely the best of all. The most difficult event on this tour was the last one in Beijing. It was a cold and smoggy winter night, doors opened at 10pm and by 1030 the venue already reached its capacity. We had people line up outside for hours waiting to get in. If it was me I would be disappointed after waiting outside in the cold and the pollution for hours long. So when we stopped people to get in the courtyard of the venue, there were lots of complaints. It was chaotic, on top of that there was a drunk guy turned up  at the gate and start swinging a baton at people. Yep, you read it right….why? It turned out he was the property compound’s head of security . It was his night off, but he kept getting calls from his colleagues complaining our event attracted a lot of people and there were too many waiting outside the gate. He got so pissed off so he came to our event directly and ordered the security at the compound to shut the gates to prevent more people coming in. It was kind of a blessing in disguise as we were way over capacity, but the problem was my artists were also waiting to get to the venue at that time . The tension finally eased when the owner of the venue arrived and talked to the crazy guy. By that time I have also topped up the event security team from 8 people to 12 to prevent further chaos.

Now looking back there are three main factors caused the chaos at the Beijing event. 1. Lack of clear communication on our side to the participants . A well planned event should not have too many people turn up at the door (venue capacity 500 VS RSVP 2000 ), when we received overwhelming number of RSVPs to the event we should inform people well in advance that they may not get in due to venue size limits. 2. The venue was hopeless. They were not even equipped with enough barriers or stanchions to keep crowds in line, they kept asking for more money when we requested basic lighting and audio equipment. I personally would not go back there ever again. 3. The lack of communication between the venue and the property management team. If they have talked to each other about the event in advance, there might not be a drunk guy showing up make things a lot messy than it already was. If the police turned up, its not just about shutting down the event immediately, its about for the next year or possible future, no events will be allowed. There is high pressure of doing events in Beijing, no one can afford for things to go wrong. After all you are partying at the foot of the palace, peace and prosperity should be the main theme. Keep it that way.

I was happy to see people line up wanting to get in the events organised by our team. Also seeing when the music starts, people have a great time. Its an escape from the mundane daily life. However, consider the risks and chaos that could happen at the events, I am not 100% sure I am prepared for all that. We were really lucky that things turned out the way they were.Someone might say you can never avoid the risks in life. But I always believe then you should prepare for the worst to cover your ass when the shit hits the fan (excuse my language). And my friend, this preparation is not a one person’s job in China.