Category: Anything and everything

This week quite a few good things happened, one of them was that I got a pay rise.

When I first started negotiating for this role, I fully understand this would not meet my pay expectation. I had to take a cut to get into a new area. FMCG isn’t an industry I was familiar with, also marketing isn’t exactly the area I have been working on. Events and Communications are my biggest strengths, I realised from the past 6 months that these skill sets also apply to many other roles.

I am very happy that I prepared the performance review with all my heart. I prepared a 9 pages PPT, listed all the areas I could think of. It is not easy to “brag” about what an amazing job I have done, as I personally dislike people who are very vocal about their contribution and performance. However, it is important to recap and summarise my achievements in the past 6 months. I also think if my manager is going to help me get a pay rise, the least I can do is provide her with some strong evidence to persuade her Superviser and HR department.

I have delivered a satisfying performance in the current role without much struggle. Next step is for me to grow more in the areas I am interested in. My strength is communication and execution, maybe its time to think about leadership and strategy building.

In the remuneration discussion I was asked what level of increase I would like, my reply was “as much as possible”. But I set a bench mark on where I would like to get paid in the next 2 years. This way I showed my dedication to the company and also give an indication on where I want to be both short and long term. I wasn’t sure at the time if this was the right way to ask, but now looking at the result it was a good decision.

I have never asked for a pay rise over a performance review. This is the first time and I am happy with the result and how it went. I appreciate the good management my company has and also the clear structure they provide, sometime it takes a bit of luck and lots of hard work to get where I want to be.

Most of all, I am proud that I asked what I think I deserve and got it. Lean in.

 

Last month Paula left us. The big C took her after a decade of good fight. Her departure prompt me to take down my FB account. I felt a bit cheated by this social media. Also felt angry at myself. I got a bit mad at myself for relying on the internet to keep track of people’s lives. I missed out on some important updates on people I care about. Paula was one of them. I did not see the update her partner Dave wrote and I did not have the chance to reach out when she was not doing well. Paula was one of the most courageous human being I have ever met. I could have tried harder to stay in touch with her.

Over the weekend, we heard of another friend’s passing. He took his own life due to depression. We travelled south island together. Actually we did not get along and by half way of the trip, my Irish friend and I decided to travel separately from him and his girlfriend. Now looking back all those things bothered me on the trip seem to be so trivial and insignificant, the only thing stands important was that I remember he was truly happy and in love on that trip. He was in the beginning of a relationship with the girl and they were very happy together. Those are the things I would like to remember of him.

I watched a Chinese debate show. Tonight the topic was if there is a glass of water will erase all the sorrows in your life, should you drink it? I would not. I am the complicated type believe in pain and suffering brings clarity to something meaningful in life. However, there are some views raised by the opposite side also make me think hard, for people who are suffering the unbearable pain, can we allow them to take the drink and just start fresh? I say yes to that. Each to their own , the less pain and suffering in this world, the better. Its just I am not that optimistic, I am not sure that life will deal in such a simplistic way. I am 34, and I think life is a mix of so many different things. Moments of happiness and sadness follow closely to each other. Most of time, I am seeking peace instead of happiness. All I ask for is to be at ease with the choices I make each day. Be peaceful with who I am. May peace be with you too.

好久没有用所有注意力去看完一部电影了。 现在的人， 看电影， 都会不时玩玩儿手机。但看江湖儿女，我没有。每一秒钟，都全神贯注看着故事的展开。之前在朋友圈说过，江湖儿女是今年我最期待的华语电影，另一部是邪不压正。这个期待，没有落空， 要谢谢贾樟柯。

现如今很少看完一部电影，第二天早上醒来， 还有种大梦初醒的感觉。也许是因为这个故事真的把我带回了2000年初的时光。虽然我在边疆长大，但是青少年时期的流行歌曲，港片黑社会的那种文化基调，在电影前40分钟呈现的淋漓尽致。那种气氛，真的是很熟悉，好像触手可及。

时光真的过得好快，我坐在地球这一端的小小国家，在客厅的沙发上用电脑在网上看了这部电影。（很抱歉，如果影院正式上映，我一定会付费看）。 同在客厅的还有老公， 卧室里熟睡的宝宝。我和老公文化不同，生命交集从2004年开始，他是不会理解我在电影里体会到的那种情结。不过， 听说这部电影在国外的影展上也得到了很棒的反响，也许找到有英文字幕版本的，如果他感兴趣，我也和他一起再看一遍，听听他对江湖的理解。

义气这个东西，真的是只有华语世界里有吗？也许，未必吧。有时候我也很想念曾经体会过的那种人情世故，很复杂，难处理，但是能让生活满满的。现在的生活，单调，平静，是江河湖海的江湖，而非人的江湖。 这个电影总让我想起曾经认识的一个人，有廖凡身上那种劲，希望他这样的人生不会最后落寞，而一直能保持下去，不被江湖遗弃。

廖凡在火山前对赵涛说：“有人就有江湖”，看到那部分的时候觉得他应该是义薄云天的那个人，可到最后，最有义气，江湖之路走的彻彻底底的确是那个女人。我一直相信，三十年河东，三十年河西，一个人现在是怎样，都未必就定了， 再往后走走看，且听下回分解。贾樟柯的电影，魔力就是把平时的生活，枯燥的日子，拍出滋味来。电影开场那辆破破的长途公共车，我很小的时候也搭乘过。现在回头想想，那时的生活都在脑子里过的，从没有让周围的戈壁滩，干枯的文化生活限制自己的想象和对世界的憧憬。反而，走得多，看得多，生活的境界更宽广， 有更好的资源活得更加丰富， 自己的想象力确日渐减弱了， 限制越来越多。生活远没有年少轻狂的时候那么充满可能性，未尝不是一种悲哀和遗憾。

还好， 人生还未过半，还有机会去破去立，有了爱的人的陪伴，一起体会更广的江湖。

 

Its 9 hours till I start my new job. Not only I have not recovered from the jet leg, Bella is sick and I am also sick with a cold.

Well many mothers told me watch out when your baby gets sick you normally catch it too. Of course I would, I was holding her whole night while her little nose kept running and running. All the germs…but still all the love and cuddles.

How do I feel about starting a full time job at a new company and in a relatively new filed? I am nervous. What I feel nervous the most is not about the job itself. Rather its the things outside of the job. How do I balance it all? Can I still spend enough time with Bella? How about my relationship with Magnus? Can I still have time to help out my parents when they need some support? So many questions racing through my mind. To calm me down, I think there are a few things will help me to remember:

1. Perfection does not exist. I won’t aim to be the perfect mother and also be the best at my job. I will contribute what I can in a calm and collective manner. However, I won’t stress over if I came home a bit late or have to work over weekend a little. Or I need to take time off work to be with Bella when she needs me. All things flow and change, its not the absolute one moment which will break or make things. Its more important to keep going smoothly than struggling over every little turn with guilt and anxiety. Life is complicated, there is no such thing as the perfect execution.
2. Motherhood comes all different forms, love is the main theme and the core of it all. I will probably sometime feel like I should stay home full time to be committed with Bella. However, knowing myself, being able to work is very important to me. The sense of achievement and team work I get through building a career will enable me to be a better person. I will appreciate my time with my family even more when I work. Sometime I easily take things for granted, and I know if I stay home full time I will become bored and grow bitter towards my role.
3. Work is an ongoing part of my life, I will learn new things and there will be days I feel stand still and not moving anywhere. That is ok. Making a living require some grit and patience. If the job enable me to grow and meet like minded people, then its a reward. Also I am able to make a better life with the money I bring home.
4. Watch my temper. Sometime I lose what is really important in front of me when I am focusing on a project. I need to slow down and cope with interruptions. Instead of getting frustrated with interruptions, I shall see them as little opportunities for taking a break in between finishing a task.

There are so many women I look up to who hold down a career while being a great mum. My mum and my mother in law are two such people. My mum has been a chemistry teacher her whole life, she even published text books during her career. She also gave my brother and me the best childhood memories and took us on many wonderful family adventures. My mother in law has been a nurse working with cancer patients her whole career, She is still working and I can tell she is very good at her job. She raised three beautiful children, and I was lucky to marry one of them. These women make me feel that I can do this. I can be a mum and also enjoy life as a mix of work, family, hobbies and many many layers of things.

Life is rich, so why not to live it to the full?

Today is the fourth day we have been back to NZ from our Europe trip, we are all struggling a bit with Isabella’s sleeping or lack of sleep at night.

Isabella is 15 months old when we started the trip, she just learnt to take her first few steps. On the way to Spain, we first took 17 hours flight to Dubai then spent one night at a hotel near the airport.  The next early morning we took another 8 hours fly to Madrid. Once we landed in Madrid, we picked up the rental car and Magnus drove for 4 hours to get to Albir near Alicante where our family was staying.

Isabella was wonderful on the way there, she slept most of the way on the long flight. For the time she was awake, we entertained her with some cartoons on my laptop and lots of snack and toys we specially prepared for this trip. Magnus and I were also really excited about the time in Spain especially bringing Isabella to meet the whole family in person for the first time. The anticipation and the joy made the way flying there quite enjoyable. She also slept really well for her first night when we reached Spain, so the jet leg was easily managed.

After a beautiful 4 weeks holiday with families soaking in the sun and eating lots of delicious food, we headed back to NZ. We know its another brutal long trip, so we booked  a really nice hotel in Dubai, The Palace Downtown, its located right in the city centre and next to the Dubai Mall. The world’s tallest building Burj Khalifa is right above us, our room looked out to the man-made lake which also featured the famous Dubai light show in the evening. Although we just spent less than 48 hours there, Dubai is mind-blowing. The islamic culture reminds me a lot of my childhood. The crazy design of the buildings brings us to a Si-fi movie scene. I have full respect to what they achieved out in the desert, and I also understand there are some deeper issues and prices which come with all these grandness.

From Auckland to Dubai, the Emirates flight attendants remembered us from the flight we took 4 weeks ago. I guess Isabella’s chubby cheeks left some impressions. The long flight from Dubai to Auckland, we were lucky to have the whole row of 4 seats to us on the plane. Isabella could stretch out and sleep instead of sleeping on my laps for hours. She was a bit more restless this time as she is older and understand more things and have more demands than 1 month ago. Magus is the calm in the storm, always up to take her for a stroll along the aisles, I just feed her lots when she is sleepy. We were quite pleased how she was on these super long flights.

These past few days at home she has been up between 12-4am and having difficult to go back to sleep, as it is day time in Spain. She cries a lot and we just have to be patient and hope she will eventually gets back to her routine. I’m starting a new job in three days, so here is hope to some decent sleeps for my first week in the new role.

Till the next adventure with this little one and kudos to those solo parent taking babies on flights.