Category: Anything and everything

When we moved in our new house, the only neighbour we didn’t know much at all was the people living in the first house on our block. When they moved in, there were two BMW cars parked out front, there were lots of shoes outside the house. I joked to M that it seems a big family have just moved in. We also thought perhaps they were renters as I met the owner at the auction and it was not the same people who moved there. The family moved in are Koreans, we knew this as the young son of the family came over to our house asked about how to install gas bottle. I have to admit I was being a bit selfish and judgy, as I thought if they rent the place maybe they won’t stay long, so I did not make as much efforts in getting to know them as I have tried with the other two neighbours.

Today M told me he heard from another neighbour that a week before they moved in our block, the father of the family passed away. For some reason I felt really sad about it. Its hard to describe why I got a bit emotional about someone I did not know at all, but I just felt that I was not being fair to them. I made efforts to get to know the other neighbours but not them. I had my own opinions about them without never speaking to them. Now I know they were going through a hard time, thats probably why they were a bit hard to get to know.

I am mumbling on now. What I got out of this was a lesson to myself, I often narrate a story in my head about the things I thought I know. But often I have no idea what others are going through, what kind of day they have. Maybe I should learn not to judge others without much information at all.

I want to write this down, its not a logical piece of writing, but I want to remind myself to drop my ego and prejudice a bit. Just be a nicer person.

I made a list of things I would like to do in the new age:

1. join ocean swim next summer
2. tramping , do at least one of the great walks in NZ
3. Get outside more
4. Plant things, make our backyard alive

I listened to a really good talk on how to control our breath. In life often we are faced with stimulation and response. For example, you broke your favourite cup, thats a stimulation, then the response either would be very mad about it or you shrug and tidy up the broken pieces. Often, there is a pause between the two, thats when you get to make the choice and it could be life changing moments. I remember when I was in the hospital bed waiting for Isabella to be born, the hospital nurse mentioned how tranquil I seemed to be. It was still one of the most proud moments I had about myself. Magnus and I attended hypno-birthing class, and I practiced breathing techniques every day before I went into labour. I can recall vividly how the way I breath change my level of anxiety and fear. One skill I always want to learn is being fearful but still continue to act.

When I was in my late teens, I was very into adventure activities. My main goal to come to NZ was to do Bungy jumping and I ticked that off the list in the first 2 years arrived in NZ. It was during one of the surfing trips I got swept out to the sea by under currents, I came face to face with fear and experienced how it could paralyse your physical movements. During early years at University, I also had a few panic attacks. Now looking back, all of these can be considered as practice of making the right decision when I experienced stimulation and response. The older I get, the more I avoid to putting myself into uncomfortable situations. Also I get better at telling stories about myself of things I am good at and the things I am hopeless with. I miss the fearless me, detached with any defined things about myself. So I promise myself the older I get the more I am going to practice of facing fear. We can not make good of the future, yet we do many things telling ourself these decisions going to secure our future. If anything the past 3 months have taught me would be the world is becoming a difficult place to predict. I enjoy being in control, so the only thing I can be aware of and have some control is breathing. Did you know that we breath 23,000 times a day and often we are not truly aware of completing these in and outs. Human body is truly incredible.

So in this new age, the aim is to get uncomfortable more in return of growth and a little bit more wisdom. Get better at breathing and use that to navigate through adventures in life. I gave up on understand how the world works for a bit as long as Trump is still in power. I decided to focus on myself, understand my mind, my body and how my actions impact on people and things around me.

Lets check in here again next year this time, see how I get on. Stay tuned.

We were asked to go to the hospital emergency department yesterday after visiting the test center. Outside the entrance everyone was asked by a doctor why they came to emergency and if they had any symptoms of CONVID 19. The emergency department won’t do testing for CONVID, people who think they have it need to go to specific testing centres. This was an effective way to keep hospital from being overloaded with highly contagious patients. While mum and I were sitting on the side waiting to find out where we would go next, I overheard these conversations between the doctor and visitors.

One well dressed lady holding a slice of cake in her hands. She was a bit shaky and was wiping her tears with tissues in her hand. She told the doctor that she also worked at the hospital, today was her birthday and she started having fevers and chills about 2 hours ago. She could not get through the health-line for hospital staff members and she didn’t know what to do. The doctor helped her to finally reached someone else on the phone and directed her to another place.

An Asian lady came up to the doctor said she didn’t know what to do with her situation. She got a call from the police told her that one of her staff was a victim of domestic abuse, and asked for her to come to the hospital to see her. The doctor let her through.

An elderly couple who could be well over their 70s holding hands and walked up slowly, the wife explained to the doctor her husband has hearing issues and she needed to go inside with him for check ups on his heart. The doctor explained due to CONVID, there is no visitor allowed. She and her husband hold hands even tighter saying they could not be separated and need to go in together, the doctor called someone to consult then let both of them in.

A couple in their 30s were waiting at the end of the line.The doctor asked them if they could wait a bit longer as she needed to call for more support. The guy replied “of course, I can wait”. Finally it was their turn, he said his dad was due to have an open heart surgery today and he wanted to go inside and see him, the doctor let them through,

I saw a sign it said only on the grounds of compassion and essential reasons a visitor is allowed in. Base on all these conversations I overheard , I think the hospital followed this rule really well. I wish all of these people and their loved ones are well. A million thanks to the doctors and nurses who are helping and saving us.

 

There are many articles talking about how people gained new skills or developed positive habits over the lockdown. At the beginning I was also very motivated to stay active and keep a good routine. I have to admit about a week ago, I have been getting back to my old ways.

I scroll on my phone a lot more, start reading more news as the bad news do not worry me as much as a month ago. I had a news detox for about 3 weeks since the virus reached NZ, but now things have been under control for a bit I start reading more and more things online. I felt most things I consume are fluffs which are useless information, they don’t contribute anything valuable to me. I want to keep focus on reading more real books instead of mindless scrolling online.

At the start of the level 4 lockdown, I was out for a walk first thing in the morning almost everyday, even when it was dark and raining I would get out of the door and head straight to the park. It was a very good way to start the day, I felt energised and ready for a new day. Now the mornings are a bit colder and I found it was hard to get out of bed, so my mornings starting to become spending more time in bed thinking about how I shall start the day rather than just get up and do it. I want to keep being active and stay focused on a good routine in the morning.

Also I ate more snacks after dinner now, which I stopped doing for 4 weeks. Once I am less stressed, my appetite got better. Hopefully I can really stop eating snacks in the evenings. It was nice to wake up feeling hungry in the morning, I want to keep it that way.

Last two days were a bit hectic, mum was in and out of hospital due to flu symptoms. We all got tested and luckily all came back with negative results. I am still feeling a bit unease, as mum still has a fever. But I felt that this virus has impacted so many people’s lives already, and if it touched my family, I will face it with courage. Its bad to get sick, but sickness has always been part of life.