Farewell Grandma

Although the date on the calendar is 11th Feb, being Chinese, the year isn’t over yet. In 4 days, the lunar calendar will mark the end of the year of the Rooster and enter the year of the Dog.

My grandma passed away, she was just a few days away from her 89th birthday. My dad flew home and spent the last few days with his mum. My grandma’s name is Bao Yilan. She has never been to school, raised one daughter and four sons. When I was little, I often spent school holidays at grandma’s home. She is a devoted Hui muslim (Chinese minority). I still recall when I was young and I would wake up in the dark, sensing her doing the morning pray next to me. She taught me the Islam prayer and I can still say it till today (although I am not a Muslim).

In the last few years, I only saw my grandma once or twice a year, each time it was a brief visit. She lost her 3rd son (probably her favourite child) to a car accident 13 years ago. Since that accident, she had experienced bouts of severe depression and rarely left the house. The relationship with grandma is a little bit difficult to describe. There is the strong bond between her and me, but when she was right in front of me, I felt my grandma is somewhere faraway I can’t really connect to. Its like my real grandma, the one who spent quality time with me when I was a little kid is hidden behind years of grief and boredom.

Do I feel guilty for not trying my best to understand my grandma, reach her pain, and try to talk to her more? I think deep down I do have some guilt for not making her life better. The best I can do now is to remember the things she taught me, things like not wasting food, be honest, be kind to those less fortunate, be tidy and eat slowly. These are the things grandma have taught me over and over again when I was little.

I also want to thank her for showing me her commitment to her Islamic faith. We are  living in the world that is divided by religion. I am fortunate to live in a multi-cultured family. I learnt the rituals of Islam not through media and books but by living with my grandma. What does Islam mean to me? It always have some association with water and purity. My grandma would wash herself many times as part of the daily prayer. It was a very soothing and peaceful process. Writing down these words bring me back to that moment, standing next to her hearing the water splashing and dripping in the sink, the fresh scent and also grandma’s white skin and black long hair.

I wish grandma will have a good reunion with grandpa and my uncle. If heaven do exist, I trust it is a place for loved ones to reunite.

Till then

 

The Road Trip Down South

I am having a hot cup of tea while typing this trip down. We suppose to arrive at 4:30pm today, but the flight was delayed  due to strong winds in Auckland. The airplane almost touched the ground then took off again due to gusts of wind, then the plane circled around Auckland city through thick clouds and strong turbulence, we finally touched down at 5:30pm and the whole cabin clapped happily for the safe landing. Isabella was fantastic throughout the flight, she didn’t get grumpy, happily sat on my lap through the bumpy ride. I took it from her behaviour that fear is something we learnt through life, she is fearless because the world is brand new to her and she is learning everything for the first time.

Magnus told me he had driven 1500 K on this trip. We flew to Queenstown and drove to Wanaka on the first day, spent two night at this cute three bedroom house by the lake. The weather was cloudy and we had drizzly rain on our 2nd day. Lichen, Magnus and I had Korean food in Wanaka on the 1st night, it was surprisingly delicious. Especially the sizzling octopus Lichen ordered which was super fresh and tasty. We walked along the lake for 3 hours and the rest of time just took it easy at the house.

The 2nd stop was Lake Tekapo. This accommodation was the most expensive one on the trip. The place is well furnished, it even had a toy box. Isabella was excited about the toys  for 20 mins, then her attention as usual moved on to the “forbidden” objects: shoes, plastic boxes, tissue papers and electrical cables. My parents wanted to do the star gazing tour, but it was cancelled due to poor weather conditions.  During the day, we visited Mt Cook national park, the peak of Mt Cook was hidden behind the clouds. The view is spectacular, everything seem to be floating behind the misty clouds. We had an hour walk before the rain started. Isabella was very excited on these nature walks, she may become a keen outdoor adventurer.

The third place on this trip is Dunedin. We almost did not include this stop if not because of our friends Liz and Lyra. We met Liz and Lyra about 5 or 6 years ago in Auckland. They moved down to Dunedin a couple of years ago due to Liz’s job at Otago Polytec. Dunedin is the biggest surprise to Magnus and me. We visited Sandfly Bay, it was the first bright sunny day on our trip. We carried Isabella down the steep sandy beach and saw the fur seals lazying around.  The water is deep green, it is different from the colours up north. The landscape and the beach seem much wilder and more majestic comparing to the beaches near Auckland. My parents walked around town in the evening, they enjoyed the architects of the city. It has more characters than the building in Auckland city. The most interesting places we have been to on this trip for me is the Larnarch Castle, the place is filled with stories and scandles. When I walked through all the different rooms, I can’t help but to imagine the days when it was being built and the nights those people spent there.

The final two days we stayed on this farm suited along the Catlins. There was no Wifi and phone coverage at the accommodation. The panorama view of the water was stunning from the house. Isabella slept through the 1st night, it was great for Magnus and I. However, we were counting on her to wake us up in the middle of the night so we can see the stars, so we got our 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep but we missed out on seeing the night sky. We also visited the Nugget point, Kaka point, McLean waterfalls, Slope point and Curio Bay. The food were great at the Point Cafe and also the Whistling frog cafe. We were impressed by the fresh local food, and the simple yet delicious dishes served at these far away places. What amazed me the most along the Catlins is probably the petrified forests some 180 million years old at Curio Bay. I keep saying to myself I meant nothing when I stood on these petrified forests site. One thing I should have done is taking a photo of 11 months old Isabella sitting on this site, that would be quite a contrast of the ancient and the new.

 

Recap of 2017

Here is a recap of 2017 before it slips by, its been a significant year.

January – Magnus and I moved back to Auckland , landed on 1st January. We stayed with Ferren, James, Chewy and Mirka.

February – Moved to Celtic Crescent. Most importantly, Isabella surprised us by arriving on Valentines’s day.

March – After two weeks in the hospital, we brought Isabella home with us just in time for Magnus’s birthday. My parents arrived Auckland, and stayed at a friend’s place.

April – Dad spent his birthday with us at Clevedon farmer’s market. Isabella grew bigger and stronger each day. My parents spent times at a farm up north, truly embraced Kiwi lifestyle.

May – Celebrated my birthday at Ferren’s place.

June – Magnus and I renovated the front garden at Celtic Crescent, we decided to rent the place out and move in a bigger place with my parents. Dad left for China to do business.

July – Moved in the new place, its a lot bigger with lots of outdoor space.

August – We start to getting out more and more with Isabella, she also took her first swim class.

September – Threw a surprise birthday party for Audrey. Visited Jeanette up north with my mum, mum was very impressed by J’s life style and independence. Isabella got her Norwegian and New Zealand passports.

October – Farewelled Jennifer with Foundation’s Auckland colleagues. Jennifer is one of the most important mentors I have had with both work and life. Had a reunion with NICU mums at our place, all three bubbas grew a lot stronger comparing to hospital days. We took a road trip to Russell, it was Isabella’s another “first time”.

November – I organised an international conference for Ministry of Youth, the contract role took 4 months to complete. It was a success.

December – Dad returned to Auckland. Magnus and I took Isabella to Hawaii for a week long holiday. She did fantastic on her 1st plane ride.

The year is filled with sleep training, learning each step of growing with a baby (we all grew together with the new things we learn). I received tremendous amount of supports and wisdom from family and friends all around the world since becoming a mum.  Magnus is the best father and husband I can wish for. My parents and Magnus’s parents have been super helpful and supportive of us. Isabella is a sweet, smart, adorable and determined little being. I am looking forward to 2018, I trust there will be more adventures, laughters, a few tears here and there and some more precious memories to create and to keep.

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Run 2

Oh I went for a run again today. Its a warm nice evening, saw the ginger cat after my run.

Its very quiet in this neighbourhood in the evenings. Comparing to the days in Beijing feels like I have moved to a different planet.

Magnus and I do miss the summer evenings in Beijing, we would ride on the bike to go through the hustings after having some BBQ skewers for dinner. Those were the carefree days.

Bella cried a lot before going to sleep tonight, me, Magnus and my mum take turns to go into her room try to calm her down. In the end, grandma did the job of getting her to sleep. The magic of grandparents…

Run

Today I went out for a run after putting Bella to bed. It is summer in Auckland now, and the evening temperature is the most comfortable. I decided to develop a hobby. I always envy people who are more fit than me. Running is something I was good at when I was young, so why not pick it up again.

It was a very beautiful evening , the sun was going down. The colours of the sky were various shades of gold. I didn’t feel that breathless after completing a circle around the block.

Its a good idea to write it down. Lets see how far I can take this hobby of running. I was never good at keep doing one thing for a long time, maybe it is time to start one.

My goal is whenever I feel tired or need a pick up of energy, I can just get into a pair of running shoes and go out then come back feeling fully charged again. Running could be my way of charging the batteries.

Till then