A late entry into 2017

by liyangsthoughts, posted in Parenthood

We have already made half way into 2017, and I have not posted anything till now. Guess what? I have the perfect excuse – I am a mother now and my time is tight.

Magnus and I have been learning parenting since 14th February. Isabella Lehne arrived almost 7 weeks earlier than the due date. She caught us completely off guard, I arrived hospital that day with a stuffed toy which my mum gave me before we left Beijing. That’s not the most useful thing to have when you are about to give birth, but then I really thought I was going to stay in the hospital for a few days before baby arrived. It turned out child birth was not something went according to plan.

Isabella came to earthside with a doctor pulled her hard with forceps. She came out quite bruised, and we spent two weeks at the Auckland Hospital’s New Born Intensive Care unit. We received the best care we could wish for, the doctors and nurses were  just incredible during our stay. We are very grateful to start out the journey of parenthood with such warm and amazing support.

My parents arrived Auckland a month after Isabella. It was nice for Magnus and I to have the complete alone time with Isabella before that. Of course, I count myself very lucky to have the full support of my amazing parents in every way. However, I still believe that with a newborn, the parents should be the main care givers. The Chinese way of letting elders or professional baby care givers to take over the feeding and other duties are not something I prefer to go with. Also in Chinese culture, mothers go through the first month after birth with extra care on eating special foods, no going outside, no touching cold water, no lifting heavy things etc. It is called confinement. There is a long list of things mothers are forbidden to do. I was constantly reminded by my mother and other female relatives on the importance of these rules. Well I must admit that I ignored most of them. The reason is I believe in mind over body. Happy mum means happy baby. Post birth, there were so much going on. Since Isabella stayed at NICU, we visited her daily. It was overwhelming for us to keep updated on her progress and learning how to take care of her. I simply did not have any extra energy to care about those confinement rules that base on little or no medical reasons. I understand to some extent why these rules exist, but deep down I feel these rules in some way diminish a new mother’s strength to look after herself and her baby. Also all the worrying of doing the right thing is putting on extra stress to myself.

Looking back, the first two month were the hardest. Now Isabella is almost 4 month old. She is a happy and chilled baby. Magnus and I tell ourselves we are so lucky to have her in our lives everyday. She made us better and happier people by simply being her. I read something the other day which made a lot of sense. When we were born, we changed our parents lives forever. We want to change the world, actually when we were just babies, being a baby has already shifted our parents world in many ways.  Being a new mother, my view on many things in life have taken a different perspective. I am certain that there is so much more I will discover on the journey of parenthood. Happiness only exist when it is shared, and it’s my utmost pleasure to have Isabella join our little team and I can’t wait to share everything with her.

Dear You

by liyangsthoughts, posted in Parenthood

Dear you

We are going to meet in late March next year if everything goes according to plan.

Its funny that M and I have not met you and we already love you so much. Every morning I look into the mirror and feel in awe of my tummy. It gets bigger and bigger. I use to be a little obsessed on keeping fit, but now I enjoy eat all the foods so that you get to have some too.

Today I want to write you a note, because yesterday this big country called America has elected its new president. This is a big deal to the world. Although M and I both aren’t American citizens, we both felt the result has shaken us to the core. The reason is that this world is connected in ways it has never been before. What happens to one part of the world can also have a significant impact on people like us. We are just a little worried what this new president represent might be the complete opposite of what we believe in. His values and ideas hopefully wont shift the world to the dark side.

What kind of a world will welcome your arrival ? I dont know yet. However I do have some hopes. I want it to be an open space, with lots of opportunities. These opportunities are not just for people to make more wealth, instead they are to enable us as human beings to do more good, to create meaningful things and beautiful things.

We will move back to New Zealand on the 31st of Dec, celebrate the new year in air, and arrive NZ on the first day of 2017. I really hope you will have a childhood that is green, clean, safe and the same time full of little wonderful adventures. I cant guarantee the world will be the safest to your generation, as it has never been 100% safe, but I will do my absolute best to make you feel that you can achieve anything you want, be who you want and go anywhere you wish.

Next Monday we will know if you are a girl or a boy. If you are a girl, just remember, girls can be president too. If you are a boy, just remember violence and war never solved any problems, I hope you have enough wisdom and courage to help others.

Till then

Your mum

Fixed vs. Growth

by liyangsthoughts, posted in Words that matter

Today I read this fantastic article on the two mindsets which shape our lives.

It helps me to assess the current struggles I am facing at work. I seem to keep wanting to get the affirmation and not getting it making me stressed and doubt myself. After reading this article, I realise its a big mistake I am making for wanting evaluation from others. What I should focus on is do my own thing and focus on learning new skills.

Sometime we waste too much of our time thinking about what others think of us, what they think about our work performance, how we perform in a team. Actually, the reality is no one is paying much attention to another person unless 1. They have to produce a feedback under company procedure 2. This person made a big mistake at work and it requires damage control. Other than these two situations, I believe most people are so involved with their own plans and things to do, they do not really care much about how others are doing or feeling at work. Let alone we are talking about China workplace, where there is a huge population and work force, everyone is replaceable. Therefore, there is less of a reason for someone to care too much about another person’s career development. Why care about the long term development when you can not guarantee this person will stay on this job after 6 or 9 months.

Once I figure this out,  the best mindset in my situation is to focus on personal growth. Yes I make mistakes, yes I am not doing the right thing and yes I am not producing results. But because the situation is so uncomfortable, it means I am right out of my comfort zone. I am learning how to balance work relations and personal friendship, how not to judge someone solely base on their work performance. How to be patient and believe that being uncomfortable is a phase that will pass. It is ok to feel suck at work, as long as I am learning something out of this situation.

To end this entry, “The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is the hallmark of the growth mindset. This is the mindset that allows people to thrive during some of the most challenging times in their lives.”

“At the heart of what makes the “growth mindset” so winsome is that it creates a passion for learning rather than a hunger for approval.”

 

一只名叫狗狗的猫

by liyangsthoughts, posted in Hometown
狗狗

 

狗狗上个月离开了我们。 我的记忆里，妈妈和弟弟在2004年冬天的时候从奶奶那里把还只有几个月的他接回了家。 那时候， 我和弟弟刚刚在新西兰上了一年的学。 我记得， 我从新西兰回到家的那一天，看到这只好小的猫， 好像也不是特别高兴， 因为那时候爷爷刚刚去世。 冬天的家总是灰蒙蒙的感觉。 我好像又对猫严重的过敏，犯了哮喘。总之，我们的初相识，就是灰蒙蒙的冬日，全家人在一起，有各种的未知和不确定。唯一确定的是， 我和弟弟曾经想养一只狗，所以决定就把这只猫叫做狗狗。

我和狗狗在一起的时间，总共加起来，也不满一年。因为从2004年到2016年， 我在家的时间加起来， 也没有一整年多。 常年在外上学， 之后又是工作和生活。 每次回到家， 只呆上两三周， 就又背上行囊，离开了。 开头的前两年， 狗狗充满活力。他从来不粘我。我在他年纪还小时，和他玩儿， 他还总是抓破我的手。我就赶紧在手上涂酒精， 不然皮肤就长起来又红又痒的小胞。 渐渐的，过几年我再见到他， 他不是躲在被窝里， 就是躲在窗台上。 妈妈特别惯他，家里的各个房间的门从不关着，就是为了让他畅通无阻。 天冷的时候， 被褥都是摊开的，就是为了狗狗能够钻进去， 拱出一个小窝来，在里面舒舒服服的睡懒觉。 狗狗从来没交过女朋友。他一出了我家的门，就会全身发抖， 吓得一动不动。 所以狗狗就一直在家里， 是个没有出过门的猫。全家他和妈妈的感情最好。 妈妈洗脸刷牙， 他就会跳上洗漱台，看着妈妈。妈妈在写字台改作业， 他就趴在旁边，陪着妈妈。 有时候， 还会淘气的干脆坐在纸上。 妈妈打电脑游戏， 他有时候会从键盘上走过去， 最坏的一次是干脆当着我妈妈的面往屏幕上呲了一泡尿。但是， 每次妈妈回到家，也是他等在门口，然后走过去绕着妈妈的腿蹭几圈。

六月份，我回到家看望爸爸妈妈。这次见到的狗狗完全不同了。他消瘦了很多，而且我进门， 也不会在门口等着了，总是在睡觉。走起路来后腿都在打颤。我们都知道， 狗狗的一生可能是要到尽头了。 但是他的眼睛里一点恐惧也没有。平时想做的事情还是继续， 想去的地方， 还是要往上跳。我觉得好像只有我们人类意识到他的生命要结束了， 而他自己还是觉得一切正常。平静的度过每一分，每一秒。 妈妈说在我回来之前， 他总在门口，晚上不睡家， 不停地叫。 我爸爸把门打开， 问他是不是想出去， 他又不敢。 后来， 做了些调查， 才知道猫知道自己的生命要结束的时候， 是很想离开家的。 我们的狗狗因为从来没出去过， 他的本能是想离开家，但最后还是没有走出家门。

我回到北京没两天，妈妈就告诉狗狗永远的离开了我们。妈妈特别的伤心， 哭了很多天。 这几年，家里的事情很多， 最爱的一些人相继离去， 现在又是狗狗， 妈妈觉得有些承受不了这些离别。 我觉得， 狗狗活了13岁多， 在猫的世界里算是高寿了。他带给我们很多的爱，平静， 还有源源不断的乐趣。 他等于是取代了我和弟弟在家里的位置，填补了爸爸妈妈心里那个孩子们远在他乡的空洞。 为了这些年他在家里的位置， 我也是非常感激这只叫做狗狗的猫。

狗狗从来不主动亲近我， 除了有一次妈妈给他洗完澡， 我坐在沙发上看电视，他突然跳到我的腿上。 那时候， 我好欣喜，以为他终于对我有了特殊的感情。后来才知道是因为他怕冷， 在我的腿上取暖。 就算这样， 我还是很爱这只猫。因为他的高傲，胆小，迎接死亡时的平静。当然， 还因为， 他就是我的家人。

 

 

 

So here is another year

by liyangsthoughts, posted in Anything and everything

It was a wonderful family holiday in Hainan. I have been back to work for a week now.

Right now I am juggling three projects, all happening in the next three months.

Again there is no planning here, have to keep telling myself do not expect too much on process and order. Run with it and try your very best to enjoy it along the way.

It must be why I was so exhausted by the end of last year, how do I put it, it’s like the constant worrying of something go wrong. Your mind is always on the next problem, waiting for someone to give you the next information to keep things going.

What does my work really involve?This is my imaginative way of explaining what I do. There are lots of threads in my hands, I pull them one by one, sometime they get all tangled up , my goal is to trace till the end of the thread. I hope its a smooth run without getting everything tangled up or broken off half way through.

There are quite a few trips coming up in the next month or two. If I dont change the team half way, I will get to visit some places new. I am not sure why I dont look forward to it so much, maybe lack of self confidence on how well I will organise the trip?

Back to the workshop, it was good know the management see the problems that we are all experiencing at work, such as lack of process, unclear role definitions, lack of vision etc. I suppose you can only running wild without a clear path for so long. It will only be fun for a certain size, once the team gets bigger, it gets messier. Although its a creative environment, process and order will help ideas become reality in a more efficient way.

I have been dreaming a lot about my families, there are lots of unsettling feelings inside of me about my families. I am slowly realising the fact that most my family members are getting older. They will need my help more than before. I am no longer that small child who look up to them asking for support , the tables are turning. I am just not sure psychologically I am ready for this change. I have always been quite attached to my families. therefore when they experience some difficulties, it upsets me to realise the limitations of my ability to provide for them.

The new year goal is to become stronger. So I can be reliable to my loved ones. I feel like I am stretching my abilities to grow bigger and taller in the sense of a big tree, so I can provide shades to more people. I wonder what type of tree I would be ? Like the one in Rose Garden in Parnell? That would be nice.