Its been two years since my last post.

If not because the subscription got renewed, I almost forgot that I had a page here to capture snippets of my life.

Life has been full of changes. I have turned the page into chapter 4. If there is one change about me, I would say I am getting good at making the ordinary moments extraordinary. Life is not about accumulating lots of experiences, but to make the few exceptionally good.

The journey of parenthood has its up and downs. Having two beautiful, healthy and happy children are a true blessing. When I see my children’s faces, hearing their laughters, they bring me back to the core of life. It is all about love, care, and trust. I am grateful for these little people’s complete trust in me. Earlier today, I told Bella I am trying my best to be a good mum, she was playing a toy and did not even look up, just casually and firmly said :”you already are the best mum.” There are so many moments like this, my children bring out the best of me, and of course sometimes, the not so good parts of me.

I am also at a cross road of my career. My current role’s funding is coming to an end. I have been having lots of meetings with people I trust and admire. I am grateful that so far, every meeting request I have sent for a chat, has been accepted. These conversations gave me encouragements and reassurance for my next step. I am actually enjoying this period of change, it helps me to look further into my values, strengths and weakness. It gives me space to reflect and also consider the meaning of “working”.

Half of 2024 is already gone. I wish the next half continue to be filled with good conversations, meaningful daily activities, enjoyable weekends, lots of delicious and soul filling meals. Most importantly, everyone in my orbit have good health, in delightful spirit.

I can’t believe today is the first day of Chinese Lunar New Year already! I am yet to capture the key things took place in 2022. So let’s get on with it.

January – What happened? Let me think. We were still going in and out of lockdowns. We had the first Christmas and New Year with Ingrid being the new addition to our family. We went to Wellington visit Jennifer and John.

February – We planned to celebrate Isabella’s birthday at a park with picnic, but her teacher at daycare had Covid, so we had to isolate as well. Friends dropped off her birthday gifts at our door, we also decorated her room to make the occasion special. Isabella started her first day at school. Due to Covid restrictions, she did not have a goodbye party at her daycare, also we could not drop her off at her classroom on her 1st day. The same time, Ingrid started 3 days at daycare, she was 7 months old and yet to crawl.

March – Magnus turned 40 this month, he went out with some friends to celebrate. My work got increasingly frustrating, I was losing sleep and not coping well. Magnus started to work at a new job.

April – One day Isabella came to me with a picture of her hiding behind the wall, and me tidying up the kitchen. She explained she saw how tired and stressed I was, and it made her feel sad. So I decided something need to change, I resigned. Had a lovely Easter break with friends at an Air BnB in Cambridge.

May – I finished my last day at the job after being there for 4 years. It was such a great relief to leave the toxic environment. I was very fortunate to have my family support me. There was no new role lined up yet, I needed a break.

June – Job searching, soul searching, recovering. NZ opened to the world. Signed contract with a new role, starting in August. 10 families came to our house to celebrate Ingrid’s 1st birthday.

July – My uncle came from Canada spent 2 weeks with us, then he went back to China. The last time I saw him was over 10 years ago. We went to Rotorua on the last weekend of the month and came home with Covid and fleas infested house.

August – Spoke at an event on my first day at the new job, sharing experience on NZ China related topics. Recovered from Covid after 2 weeks. Apart from Bella, we all got Covid. Once we all recovered, got pest control to help, as we flea bombed the house 3 times and didn’t manage to get rid of it completely.

September – My brother came from overseas stayed with us for a month, it was so good to have him with us after 3 years. He went to Cook Island with my parents for a week too. Mum visited ER again, but this time my brother stayed with her.

October – I enjoy the new job very much, it was good to reconnect with lots of old contacts from my previous role before we left for Beijing. It was good to contribute my time and energy into something I truly care about again. I felt what I do once again aligned with what I believe in.

November – With a very last minute notice, I hosted an event. It was very nerve wrecking, but I managed to pullit off and not disappoint myself and my team. It was good to build confidence through accepting challenges I would not normally agreed to take on.

Some very sad news from my hometown, people went on streets to show their frustrations.

December – a very magical time of year. Great to see how the kids are looking forward to the holiday season. Had over 30 people come to our house on Christmas Day. We spent time with friends while my parents went on a 30 day cruise trip to Singapore. It was a lovely way to end the year, packing each day with some activities but not expecting too much on what we want from the holiday, We truly enjoyed a break.

Not sure how 2023 will unfold itself, what I know is I am getting better at focusing on the things I have, doing well on things I can change, and making decisions based on the information in my hands. It’s very simple, one step at a time. Not looking back, or ahead, but to enjoy the sound of the footsteps and the views along the way.

Solid, is the new good.

This is the last week for me at the company I have worked for the past 4 years.

I felt very happy when I made the decision to resign. This happiness remains after 3 weeks I turned in the resignation letter.

I returned to work 7 months into my maternity leave. Looking back, was it too soon to return to work? Maybe. But there are many factors made me leave this job.

Since April last year, right before I was about to go on MAT leave, there were quite a lot of internal changes. During MAT leave, most of the colleagues I worked closely with have left the company. When I returned to work, it really felt like starting a new job at an old company. It was a very strange situation to be in. There are lots of new things happening which I suppose to be excited about, instead I felt overwhelmed and under valued most of time being back at work.

There were times before going into a meeting I felt dreaded to join the discussion, as I know at the end of these meetings I often left with increasing amount of work without any clear plan on how to achieve results. The goal post is constantly shifting. There is lack of communication from top management, we have team members announcing departures almost on a weekly basis and yet we do not hear anyone acknowledge the high turnover and care about the reason behind it. I felt I was just part of a machine, I am easily replaced and the values I held about the work are no longer relevant to the company.

I thought about if this is something to do with me not managing the stress of having two kids and working full time, there are areas I could develop and manage better. When I talk to colleagues who have left the company, I was also reminded there has to be something not right for the company to lose an entire team of staff members in less than 12 months.

Covid made us realise how much can change in a short span of time. A simple thing as booking a plane ticket and take off to somewhere new has become impossible in the recent years. Most people have low tolerance of disruptions and changes, even though we have been told again and again that changes are inevitable, it is part of life and we must adapt. I do believe the world is changing constantly in crazy ways, but there are some values should remain the same. My health, my family’s wellbeing come top priority in my list of things that truly matter to me. What I do need to align with what I believe in.

It is not easy and can be quite scary to give up a full time job without landing another one. However, deep down I know that I am valuable and I have a unique set of skills which I can contribute them to something more meaningful. I will work with people who are kind, empathetic, authentic and do what they say they are going to do. With time, I will get there, a new chapter is waiting to begin, I am excited about it.

Watch this space.